We are still continuing the series on Hijaab and this time the topic we wish to tackle is of great importance. Many of us growing up in western countries like America and Canada all recognize the term "peer pressure" especially throughout high school when taking certain subjects.
Peer pressure is basically the influence of your surroundings, your peers. Peers can be friends, classmates, and those who you are around most of the time. What does peer pressure have to do with the hijaab?
Alooooot. Right now in almost every high school in America, where you do find Muslim students, there are always some sisters who do not wear hijaab at all. How is this so? We have all heard the stories through high school. "Oh so and so takes off her hijaab at school. I wonder if her parents know...shes too scared to wear the hijaab..." These are some similar words we would hear about those sisters who removed the hijaab at school. And then there is the other group of sisters who wear an improper form of hijaab. And these sisters you can tell they want to wear the hijaab and not completely remove it but at the same time they are affected by who they mostly hang out with so they do not pay good attention to their hijaab. And then alhamdulilah there are the sisters who do wear the proper hijaab (with or without niqaab but the conditions of the hijaab are met). May Allah reward these sisters for the struggles they go through and for not caring what others think of their way of dress. May Allah purify their intentions and keep them firm on the hijaab and may He also bless them with noble manners and strong Deen.
As for my sisters who remove their hijaab at schools and those who do not wear the proper hijaab then I also make duaa for you. I ask Allah to bless you and to have mercy on you and I ask Allah to make the hijaab easier for you and understanding this Deen in general. I ask Allah to make your struggles and troubles with hijaab and other issues easy for you. Know my sister that you are not alone. Know that the shaytaan is our sworn enemy. Whether you are a practicing muslimah or not, the shaytaan will never leave in misguiding you until your last breath. Therefore, my sister look at your surroundings first and foremost. What is it that is preventing you from being firm on your Deen? Is it bad friends/companions? If so, please pick and choose your friends wisely my sister because the prophet (sala allahu alayhi wa sallam) said, "A person is upon the religion (way) of his close friend, so beware whom you befriend!"[ Recorded in Sunans Abi Dawud and Tirmidhi]
and he also gave us the example of a good and bad friend. As for the good friend, the prophet (sala allahu alayhi wa sallam) said, "The case of the good companion and the bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the blower of the bellows (iron-smith). As for the seller of musk, he will either give you some of the musk, or you will purchase some from him, or at least you will come away having experienced its good smell."
So when you surround yourself with good friends, they will always benefit you one way or another but only good influence will come out of being with them. You will always gain something from a good friend and the good friend will gain from you as well. And even if you two have to part paths for some reason, you will at least take a lot of good with you from this friend. In other words, both sides benefited from each other.
As for the bad friend, the prophet (sala allahu alayhi wa sallam) said, Whereas the blower of the bellows will either burn your clothing, or at least you will come away having experienced its repugnant smell." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Being around non-practicing individuals will definitely have its take on you whether you realize right away or not. Just like the good friend benefits you in a good way, the bad friend will have nothing but bad influence on you. Even if this person is good and you seem happy to always be around her but lets say she does not pray or she is always using curse words, this will definitely leave some traces on you sister. That is why the prophet used this example for the bad friend. When you happen to be around someone who is using fire for his work, if you are near him, your clothes may accidentally catch fire and if this does not happen then you will definitely leave him smelling of burnt material.
So be careful my sister. Even if you are someone who guards her prayers and does not curse but you are always with an individual who does not pray and is involved in a lot of munkar (bad deeds) you must do one of two things. Either you benefit this sister and remind her of Allah and call her to the right way without letting her influence you. You have to be the one always reminding her of Allah and either she will listen to you or will leave you. Both are of good for you. If she listens to you then alhamdulilah you get the reward of guiding her and you have also earned a good friend; on the other hand, if she does not listen to you and chooses to leave you then alhamdulilah you do not have to worry about bad company any more.The other thing is, if you know she will not listen to you no matter how much you advice her then you must leave this person for the sake of Allah.
Public schools are the worst places to send our Muslim kids too. There is so many bad influences surrounding our Muslim teens and it really becomes hard for their to practice their Deen properly in such a filthy environment. There is not only kufr(disbelief) taught in these schools, but the muslim teen is exposed to many negativities such as boyfriends/girlfriends nonsense, bad language, music, drugs, zina, students and teachers who are homosexuals and thus promote their perversions among the students to make them accept gays, lesbians, bisexuals and other backward things.
The parents have a huge responsibility when leaving their sons and daughters in such environments. Parents can't leave them in these schools and not except them to get influenced somehow. Its like the example of one who tied the hands of a person and threw him overboard in the ocean and then says to him "make sure you don't get your clothes wet ok?" Does this make any sense? Of course not.
My sister, apart from choosing good friends, make sure to also renew your emaan (faith) and connection with Allah. The Deen doesn't just become hard on you for no reason, there must be a sin that you are committing thats making the hijaab hard on you as well. The prophet (sala allahu alayhi wasallam) said, "Be mindful of Allah and He will be mindful of you." [Sunan Tirmidhi] So it can be drawn from this hadeeth the opposite of its meaning. If you do not remember Allah and do not guard yourself, then He will not be there for you. You have to remember in Allah in times of ease so and He will remember you in times of difficulty when you truly need Him. Many people often turn toAllah and start practicing when a calamity strikes them and right after Allah ta'ala helps them , they go back to their old ways. This is not correct. We should remember Allah all the time, in moments of ease and in moments of difficulty.
Analyze yourself my sister. When was the last time you prayed Fajr? When was the last time you prayed 5 times a day and ON time? When was the last time you said a good word to your parents and listened to them? When was the last time you read the Quran? When was the last time you attended a halaqa or lecture?
Know and realize sister that Allah is always watching you. He is the Ever-Watchful. Allah (swt) says, "Verily, your Lord is Ever-Watchful." [Surah al Fajr:14] and He (azza wa jall) also says, "And Allah is the All-See-er of what you do." [Surah al Hujurat: 18]
Whether you are at home, school, club, hookah lounge, at your friends place, the mall, the movies, the masjid, and everywhere! Remember to FEAR ALLAH WHEREVER YOU ARE.
If you follow this rule throughout your life, wallahi you will see the bliss in obeying Allah and you will rarely fall from the straight path. Yes, guidance is from Allah alone and He alone turns the hearts as He pleases. But the more good you do and the more you do it for the sake of Allah, the more Allah will keep you strong on the right path. Never lose hope in Allah my sister.
It is the same thing for the sister who works. Make sure to not be influenced by your co-workers whether they are non-Muslims or not so practicing Muslims. Make sure to maintain your Islaamic identity no matter what, do not change yourself to be accepted by others and to conform to the western ideals and so on. Your Islaam is your greatest blessing and your role as a Muslim woman who maintains the hijaab is your identity. A true friend will choose to be your friend and respect you for who you are.
Tips for sisters dealing with bad influence at home, school, work:
- Surround yourself with good sisters
- Fix your obligations such as praying five times a day, and etc.
- Listen to lectures and attend halaqas at the masajid
- Read the Quran and its meaning
-Make lots of duaa and read the daily adhkaar (duaas, morning and evening duaas)
- Lessen your contact with people who are a negative influence in your life
-If they are family, advice them with wisdom and patience and do not let them influence you in a bad way but rather make sure you influence them :)
- Seek advice from good/religious family members and people you know of.
Allah knows best.